Exclusive: Fan Accuses SEC Of Communism
by Christopher Smith
May 13, 2013 10:00 AM EDT
Editor’s note: Football.com has obtained a copy of this anonymous letter after pursuing a tip around the clock with a vigor rivaling Watergate. We feel it is our journalistic duty to share it with you, the football fan, to ensure your safety and protect you from the manipulative factory of lies and deceptions ruminating from SEC country.
To: Bob Stoops, c/o University of Oklahoma Athletics
From: Concerned Big 12 Fan and Proud American
We live in trying times. Where is Joseph McCarthy when you need him?
And can you believe these new agers are brash enough to wear Crimson? How obvious can you get?
Thank goodness we have men like you to look out for us and expose their treasonous plotting to brainwash and manipulate. Great Americans are under siege.
Fortunately, there are some of us smart enough to see through this betrayal of our Constitution, as you noted during a recent press conference. It took guts to refute the SEC superiority complex.
I'm considering hanging your words on the mantle right next to my five Barry Switzer portraits and my favorite sports quote, the one made famous by that Lombardi guy. Winning is the only thing, but having fewer losers is the other thing. Wait, what? I have to admit I'm a little confused. But that's understandable. You're a genius:
"Listen, they've had the best team in college football, meaning they've won the national championship. That doesn't mean everything else is always the best."
I want to alert you to some troubling propaganda I found while traveling to the Heart of Dixie last weekend. It's important that we know what the Communi — um, we need to be able to counteract the lies the SEC whack jobs are spreading. Heaven forbid some four-star linebacker from Stillwater finds one of these flyers they're distributing!
What can be done? If there's anyone that can knock off one of those SEC imposters in a big game and end this movement, it's you. I leave you with this...
[Editor: the following information includes excerpts from a 14-page document attached to the letter]
• Six different SEC teams won 10+ games in 2012. The Big Ten had three. The ACC, Big 12, Big East and Pac-12 each claimed two.
• The SEC produced a record 63 NFL Draft picks in April. Alabama, LSU, Florida and Georgia combined for more picks than every other conference. Scoreboard! SEC East: 32, SEC West: 31, Big 12: 22.
• The talentless teams at the bottom of the SEC? Auburn (1), Kentucky (1), Tennessee (4) and Arkansas (4) each had players drafted.
• Taking a 20-year view, from 1992 to 2011, NFL teams drafted 576 SEC players. That’s 180 more than second-best (the Big Ten). The Big 12 had 224 players drafted during that time.
• The SEC averaged 75,538 fans per game to lead all conferences in 2012, according to NCAA data. The Big Ten (70,040) and Big 12 (59,004) trailed.
• There’s a reason SEC teams win the most games and send the most players to the NFL. They recruit the best. Scout.com has ranked the SEC its No. 1 recruiting conference each season since its conference recruiting database exists (2002-2013).
• CBS Sports recently conducted a statistical study of Rivals’ recruiting rankings from 2008-12. Alabama far outpaced the rest of the FBS to claim the top spot. The next tier of schools, labeled “five-star,” included four SEC schools. The Big Ten and Big 12 each had two.
• Sports Illustrated’s post-spring top 25 featured six SEC schools in its top 13. The Big 12’s best? TCU at No. 15.
• The best SEC football schools graduate players. LSU and Alabama? They are second and third in the SEC behind Vanderbilt, posting a 77 and 75 Graduation Success Rate (GSR), as calculated by the NCAA and according to most recent data. Texas and Oklahoma? Bottom two in the Big 12 at 58 and 47 GSR.
If You Can't (Brow) Beat Them...
Hey Robert Anthony — that is your name, right? — at 52, your memory may still be sharp. In case it isn't, let me remind you that you're 3-5 in BCS bowls, 1-5 since 2004, while that treasonous Nick Saban is 5-1 in BCS bowls, winning four titles with two different teams (surely you remember the 2004 Sugar Bowl?).
You're 3-4 against the SEC overall, but you're 1-4 in bowl games during your 14 seasons at Oklahoma. Your last three games against SEC opponents? Texas A&M 41, Oklahoma 13 (2013 Cotton Bowl); Florida 24, Oklahoma 14 (2009 BCS Championship); LSU 21, Oklahoma 14 (2004 BCS Championship). Scoreboard!
Before the Aggies crushed you in the Cotton Bowl, Oklahoma won seven of its last eight games against Texas A&M — winning by an average margin of 31.6 points. Face it, you destroyed the team from College Station until they got sprinkled by the SEC fairy dust, which launched them to a BCS bowl win and a Heisman Trophy for freshman quarterback Johnny Manziel. Bitter?
If anyone should know how overrated the SEC is, it's you. You went 32-5 as the defensive coordinator at Florida before taking the Oklahoma job. Speaking of Florida, Gators head coach Will Muschamp, who was defensive coordinator at Texas, got a chuckle out of your pronouncements.
Oh, and in case you forgot — you may have a headache by now — the SEC keeps winning the most important game of the year.
National Championships: seven consecutive. And counting.
[Editor: the letter resumes in the margins of the 14-page document]
Thank goodness you are strong of mind and are not swayed by this nonsense.
The scariest part? It appears they’ve roped the media and even the NCAA(?!) into this conspiracy. And they're going after you hard with personal attacks. They know you're a threat.
I’ve heard a lot of
national media ignorant, at-risk sheep joke about your statements, calling your argument weak. They say you’re basing your entire case on some pathetic reasoning: “Our awful teams are less awful than your awful teams.”
But I know better. I mean, toss out the worst two in both conferences from 2012. Goodbye, Iowa State and Kansas. SEC, we’ll let you eliminate Kentucky and Auburn. What does that leave us?
After Kansas State and Oklahoma, we had six different teams finish 5-4 or 4-5 in the conference. That’s a lot of
average teams hard-nosed warriors grinding each other into nubs each week.
What does our game of elimination leave us at the bottom of the SEC? Tennessee and Arkansas! I mean, Tennessee lost to Missouri, 51-48, in four overtimes.
In one of the worst stretches of Vols football in decades, they proved Missouri’s equal. That’s a clear indictment of the SEC’s worst. We all know Missouri, co-champions of the Big 12 North in 2010, fifth in the Big 12 standings in 2011 and 10th in the SEC in 2012 the Tigers got kicked out of the Big 12 because their football team was so awful, and now they’re crushing traditional SEC powerhouses.
Just look at their draft history again. I mean, they have
more NFL busts than we have drafted players overrated, lazy money-grabbers like JaMarcus Russell. And about national championships, the Big 12 hasn't played in one hasn't lost one in four years. An SEC team lost two years ago! Some might say the last paragraph is a convoluted cluster that proves nothing, but trust me, the SEC is definitely not as good as we are.
Keep fighting. We can’t
admit the SEC clearly is better by any logical metric give in to this attack on democracy.
Be safe out there. Ever heard of Harvey Updike? Those guys are nuts. And they're not afraid to turn on their own.
Got to run. Someone's knocking on my door. Wait, I think it's a ghost with some sort of Aggies hat. Oh my gosh! Is that... Bear Bryant?