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Game-By-Game Predictions For The 'Skins

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How will the 'Skins fare in 2013? Photo by Ricky Carioti/The Washington Post via Getty Images.
How will the 'Skins fare in 2013? Photo by Ricky Carioti/The Washington Post via Getty Images.

This is outrageous. Preposterous. Insane. Predicting an NFL team’s final record is one thing; offering up a specific score and an analysis of games to be played weeks, even months in advance is a reckless foray into a realm usually reserved for psychics. Well, I don’t read palms or tarot cards. I can’t channel spirits from the beyond. I’m not even a professional fraud like Professor Marvel. What I do have is a whole bunch of information about the Washington Redskins and an itch to apply it in dangerously specific fashion (because I recognize my inevitable errors will be used against me in a court of journalism) across every single game of the 2013 season.

Before you think me recklessly bold, there is some fine print. I’m going to make one rather significant (maybe foolish) assumption: that Robert Griffin III plays at least 14 games. Obviously if he wrecks himself in Week 1, this piece (and the ‘Skins franchise) is trashed. But that’s just not something that can or necessarily should be part of the equation. Assuming a serious injury just seems like poor sport. And I’m a good sport — most of the time.

So without further ado, here it is: all 16 ‘Skins games called, tallied and explained. If the NFL and the ‘Skins feel compelled to play it out anyway, I understand. It won’t offend me. Tickets have been sold, expensive television packages have been negotiated and people need to tailgate — so I get why the games have to be played. But here’s how the season will go, I’m certain of it … at least as I sit here typing on September 2, 2013.