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If Los Angeles Gets A Team, Its Name Should Make Sense

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The Rams would look great back in Los Angeles, but with a new name. Photo by Focus on Sport/Getty Images.
The Rams would look great back in Los Angeles, but with a new name. Photo by Focus on Sport/Getty Images.

The Los Angeles area has been without an NFL team since the Rams and Raiders left during the 1990s. I doubt that very many fans believed the area would go teamless for so long. In any case, we all know a team will come to the city one of these days.

We don’t know which team it will be. We do know that the leases of the Rams, Raiders, Chargers and Jaguars expire this year. One of those teams might move here. Or perhaps not.

We don’t know where the team would play. Nor do we know what the team name will be.

Here’s where fans come in. It’s high time the fine denizens of this city had a hand in the naming of a new team. 

L.A. is where people start over and forget their crummy pasts. Fine, let's get a team and change the name.

Some local team names are, frankly, ridiculous. Lakers, a team stolen from Minnesota. Let’s see, named for Toluca Lake? Irvine Lake? How many people even know where those are? Or that Southern California does indeed have lakes, even if they are fake? (Why not? Take a good look at the actors and actresses, and tell me there's been no work done on them.)

The name Dodgers made sense when dodging trolleys was an important skill. Now it’s an anachronism, but of course the name will never change.

Kings, the hockey team, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense in a country that’s never had a king. But it might explain why so many Europeans and Canadians attend games here.

I like the name Chargers, but logically it stopped making sense around the time the fine folks at Enron engineered the state’s blackouts and brownouts.

That makes it all the more important that we have an appropriate name right from the first hut. So here goes:

Racers. This makes sense in view of the car culture and the high speeds of many drivers.

Stars. Even better. And the first major-league baseball team here, in the Pacific Coast League, was named the Hollywood Stars.

Pumas or Wildcats. That’s a bit derivative. The NFL has the Lions and Panthers, after all. But there are pumas in Southern California.

Monsters. I kind of like this one. It plays off Hollywood and special-effects types. It’s tough-sounding. And it’s already in football lingo: “He had a monster game.”

Sirens. I like this a lot. First, there’s the sound, rather too well-known in the city, which could be replicated in the new stadium as it is already in plenty of places. And then there’s the mythological reference.

Avengers. I think the hottie of that classic British show, Diana Rigg, is probably too long in the tooth to be a cheerleader.

Terminators. Not sure if the ex-governor would have to be consulted first. 

My vote? Sirens. Because it’s an omnipresent sound.