Super Bowl Will Be Decided By A Different Kind Of Star Power

Created on Jan. 31, 2014 9:41 PM EST

The Super Bowl: there is no bigger, brighter and more exciting stage in sports. Was the distinguishing and limiting “in sports” phrase even necessary? The NFL’s apex moment might be the baddest thing in all of American pop culture. Name me any other event that has made commercials and intermission (the halftime show) a must-see product. I’m waiting. 

With an event this enormous, there is no shortage of opinions on who will be hoisting the Lombardi Trophy. Every NFL expert, real or self-proclaimed, is in on the action. In some cases thousands of hours of film study, close consideration of individual matchups, team tendencies and weather considerations were part of an intricate analysis. In other cases, uniform color, gut instinct or personal loyalties influence “slam dunk” predictions. 

But there is another angle to consider. In a game featuring the NFL’s brightest stars, it seems logical to consult the actual stars. It may even be foolhardy to ignore the Zodiac’s message. What do the horoscopes of Super Sunday’s primary actors indicate? There is much to digest and interpret my fellow lovers of American football. Based on the weekly horoscopes from, a few undeniable corollaries between the stars overhead and in the Super Bowl are presented below. Accept my word as gospel or draw your own conclusions.

Game film doesn’t lie, but it could mislead. Tangibles are measurable; intangibles are not. For that which cannot be touched or seen, we have the stars. This is, of course, for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy.

1. Three Crabs From Denver

A trio of Denver Broncos – Julius Thomas, Knowshon Moreno and Champ Bailey – share mid-summer birthdays and the Zodiac sign Cancer (the crab). The stars indicate stressful relationships coming to a head this week with hints of opportunity to get back on track.  Prudence is encouraged for all parties involved.

Uhh, what?  Here are some theories. Could this mean Denver is more reserved on offense and a larger-than-expected roll for Moreno and the overshadowed running game is on deck? A little more ground and pound would offset the Seattle pass rush and limit the number of Peyton Manning cold weather wobblers fluttering like wounded prey into the Legion of Boom. Or is the referenced rocky relationship between Champ Bailey’s willing mind and his troublesome, 35-year-old foot (an injury that has hampered him all year)? Perhaps Bailey rolls back the clock and makes a big play.

How about none of the above? 

My interpretation of the infinite’s abstract clues indicates the tense relationship is the one between Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll and the Thomas family. Carroll coached Julius’ dad, Greg, at the University of Pacific many moons ago; now the old Pacific offensive coordinator squares off against a former player’s son (Denver TE Julius) on football’s biggest stage. My guess is Thomas puts a smile on dad’s face and a grimace on Carroll’s by scoring a touchdown on Sunday. Post-game, though, the competitive tension will subside.

2. The Skittles-fueled Bull

Marshawn Lynch is a Taurus. Lynch, Mr. Beast Mode, is a cosmic bull. How fitting? Mercury sashayed into Taurus’ zone today, evidence that fun and good times lay ahead. Lynch certainly didn’t have fun with the media during Super Bowl week. Things appear to be changing and blood sugar readings in the Pacific Northwest are rising. Lynch will be in standard Beast (or bull) mode come Sunday. Apparently the stars dig Skittles too. 

3. Virgo vs. Aquarius

Um, I’m not sure how an extraterrestrial battle between a water-bearer (Aquarius) and a virgin maiden (Virgo) would turn out, but it certainly doesn’t promise much excitement or offer any obvious appeal to a football fan’s primal attraction toward competitive physical confrontation. Nevertheless, this strange battle of zodiac “warriors” will occur on Sunday and will heavily influence the outcome. 

John Fox (Aquarius) is the water-boy (laughter cascades throughout the Pacific Northwest). Pete Carroll (Virgo) is the virgin maiden (an even louder cackle echoes through the Rocky Mountains). Carroll’s horoscope hints at conflict that must be handled without delay (the Super Bowl game plan) and a heightened awareness of others' needs (perhaps an indication of a shrewd, in-game shift in strategy).

Fox’s horoscope mentions a mid-week trip related to an enjoyable event (the Super Bowl). However, the intensity of the situation may have Aquarius seeking a lighter schedule to ease the tension. Uh oh, the Broncos’ coach is tense!!! John Fox is already pondering the calm of the postseason. The advantage in this quirky battle of the stars goes to the virgin maiden, Pete Carroll.

4. Percy & Harvin

Percy Harvin wears number 11. One plus one equals two. Harvin played in two games this season, including the playoffs. His Zodiac sign is Gemini, the twins. Spectacularly creepy.

Harvin is slated to return to the Super stage this Sunday following a concussion sustained against the Saints. It has been a long, frustrating and mostly unproductive season for Seattle’s prized offseason offensive acquisition. However, Venus’ influence on Gemini this week promises to be a tonic for one’s disjointed affairs, a catalyst of sorts for overcoming delays. Delays did you say? As in the season-long delay to Harvin’s contributions on the gridiron? Indeed. It appears Harvin’s outlook on Sunday is promising. Two big plays may be in offing; twins, if you will, from an overdue Gemini.     

5. Two Rams Collide

Peyton Manning was born on March 24. Richard Sherman was born on March 30. They share the Zodiac sign of Aries the Ram and, you may have noticed, they are slated to collide on Super Bowl Sunday. Not surprising, there’s a lot going on with Aries’ weekly horoscope. Aries are social dynamos and the stars indicate a special meeting that will carry considerable sizzle. I’d say “Manning versus Sherman” has a little spice at the moment. Manning appears to have his way early on as Aries’s success this week will be greatly influenced by preparation (and no one’s more prepared than Peyton Manning). However, there is mention of conflict between Aries’ professional and personal life and Mercury in Pieces creates a deeper awareness of Aries’ deep personal feelings. This can only mean that Peyton is considering his legacy and his future. It may be enough to adversely impact the preparation so key to Aries’ success. Manning isn’t a football computer. He is human. Right? Okay, maybe? Advantage: Sherman.


The stars sparkle and shine upon the Seahawks of Seattle. A late touchdown by Lynch or Harvin, or an interception by Sherman will make the difference. Final score: Seattle 23, Denver 20. Wish upon it … 

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